Curiosity = Control

I came across a Facebook group today by accident and the moment I looked at it I knew I shouldn't read any further but my natural and hungry curiosity takes complete control and overpowers all logic and sense - and it deafens the little angel that is talking to me - telling me not to do it ... but I do it anyway and whats the outcome...?

Head in my hands trying to control the tears, the pain, the hurt - the sheer helplessness for a family I have never even met - they lost their baby to CHD on the 3rd October - he was born on the 18 September.

The photographs are haunting and the blog of his mom reaches into a piece of my soul that I have never exposed to anyone - I want to find her and just hold her for ever and ever and try not let the wind hurt the open wound she will carry for the rest of her life.

I have always being saddened by stories of loss and deep grief but since becoming a mother there is another side of my sensitivity that was born the day my daughter was born - its almost like an invisible link that connects us emotionally to other mothers, because we all know loss, we have all experienced it in some way but you will never fear a loss as much as the loss of a child and then to loss one ... there are no words.

My mom lost her third child at the age of 5 in a drowning accident and it has haunted our family for over 30 years and the saying 'time heals all wounds' does not work in this case.

A friend of mine once told me - 'you never get over something, you just learn how to live with it.'

I look at my daughter and I wonder who and what I was before she came into my life and to even have a passing {and fearful} thought of losing her cripples me straight to the bone!

I wish I had more control of my curiosity - but on the other hand - it makes me wiser to what I have and the knowledge to not take a single moment for granted - I think that this knowledge is forgotten too quickly.

There is nothing like the love of a mother!

Live and Love - everyday!

xoxo