It's a Love-Hate thing...

Recently I have been dwelling on who I am as a person, from the way I sleep to what perfume I wear and why - strange it may be but I have convinced myself that being under my own microscope is good for soul.

I live an ordinary life. I've almost accepted that. Almost.

Let me clarify, when I say ordinary, I mean normal, average, run of the mill, commonplace. Mundane. Clear?

I know, I know, I should be grateful. Ordinary has it's up-side. I could be some human mutant with skin stretchy enough to be able to wrap my lower lip over the top of my head, or and über-fertile woman prone to giving birth to sextuplets and now be a proud mother of thirty-six indistinguishable, media-loving brats or someone who really does train-spot. Then my life would be considerably worse than the one I am leading now, but even knowing this is not much comfort as it should be.

I might have an ordinary life but it's not a terribly boring one as my daughter fills those awful silent moments I used to dread, with so much laughter and joy and silly antics - she is the love of my life and I have a partner who is completely and utterly mad about me, that still, after all this time thinks I am sexy, which at sometimes is possibly the most annoying thing ever as I obviously don't see the same person he does, but even when I growl at him or brush it off when he tells me I'm sexy, deep down inside it's an ego rush that I couldn't compare to anything else.

I have great friends, I have lost a lot of friends since moving to Cape Town, and before I was completely cut up about it but now I am so relieved because, sadly, I regarded them as my friends but they just knew me or saw me as an 'acquaintance' and at least I now know that I no longer have to waste my time on them.

I'm getting side-tracked...

I want to have a quick run down on what makes my day and what makes me want to tear my hair out strand by strand from the root.

I hate littering - I love it when I see someone pick something up (that wasn't theirs) and throw it away
I hate people that push in queues - I love seeing a young person give way to an older person, or a man giving up his seat for a woman.
I hate unmade beds - I love it when its made with fresh linen
I hate 'one-sip-left' milk left in the fridge - I love it when my fridge is full
I hate winter - I love spring
I hate being cold - I love cuddling next to Justin's warm body
I hate people that want you to listen to their problems but don't give you the time of day when you need a shoulder to cry on - I love knowing I have people that I can phone at 3 in the morning if I need to
I hate onions - I love the smell of frying onions

The list goes on, but I want to keep you as a reader so I won't bore you with the rest.

Just one more thing ...

I absolutely love flowers - they heal, they are important. They are so much more than a cheerful, colourful present. Flowers are there when you are born and all the way through until we die. They offer comfort and assurance; plus they articulate stuff most people can't manage. People need flowers to say sorry and thank you, and cheer up, and I love you, and all the other difficult we inadequate humans can't bring ourselves to say - just like music.

Music is the other love in my life.

xoxo

*extracts from Love Lies by Adele Parks

Dorothy in the land of Oz!

I find myself constantly recalling what I like to call my 'past' life where it was all about 'drugs and rock 'n roll' I know that more people than I can count on my one hand have been down the beaten path so it should not be a scandal that I too found myself flying down this road on a magical, drugged up carpet both surrounded by people and on more than one occasion alone which is probably the saddest part of the story. There were times when I loved that life, I loved not being in control of my mind for a few hours, I loved feeling the music pulse through every single fiber of my being, I loved feeling colours wrap around my hand, I loved seeing trees morph into weird and wonderful creatures ... I was Dorothy in the land of Oz!

Everyone assumes drugs are all about escapism but they weren't in my case. I am and always have been loved by the people around me (even when I was a stroppy 16 year old teenager), so what would I need to escape from? They were there to make my life more vivid, at least for a while. They accelerated and accentuated my feelings of ecstatic giddiness, until they stopped doing that - they stopped being something I just enjoyed, they became something I had to have.

In many ways I wish I hadn't ever found drugs, of course I do, I'm not insane. I prefer waking up in the morning with a clear memory of the night before. I prefer waking up in the morning and finding that if I do have a clear memory of what happened, that I'm not paralysed with shame and regret. I simply prefer waking up in the morning. One of the turning points for me was realising that taking drugs seriously reduced the chances of any of these three things happening. The other was my overnight stay in a government facility - don't think I need to elaborate on that.

I have been clean for 3 1/2 years today! Yay for me!

I certainly don't miss that life, I can still close my eyes and allow the music to pulse through my body all by itself and honestly, that is better than anything a drug could have given me. I am not ashamed of that life though, I never stole family heirlooms, ransacked a friends house or wandered the streets of Hillbrow looking for my next hit - it was 'clean' - I know the word clean is a hypercritical one but it was, we had, it was finished and the night was done until the next weekend.That was it. I learnt lessons. I hit rock bottom. I flew high. I found friends. I lost friends. I lost myself. I found myself.

xoxo

*extracts from Love Lies by Adele Parks

Guilty Pleasures...

Geez! So much has happened and sadly so many brilliant thoughts have come and gone from my mind.

I have noticed that the best time my mind wonders off and comes up with sheer brilliance is between the precious few moments of wake and sleep and when I finally drift off with a smug smile, I awaken forgetting everything, although I always remember that I did think of something - it's like waking up from a dream, knowing you had an amazing dream but not remembering the script - strange!





I do remember a brief thought of this whole drama with dear ol' Charlie Sheen and it made me realise that I have a guilty pleasure of following the mishaps of celebrities, lets make one thing clear before I continue - I am not a googly-eyed, drooling and stuttering fan of the Hollywood glitz and glam who's only highlight in life is the next issue of the Heat Magazine but I can't help being sucked in every now and again when someone rich and famous goes off the rails.

Admit it, you kept up to date when Britney shaved her hair or when Paris was thrown in jail - it's slightly amusing and in a warped way, it gives us mere mortals a reality check, that these 'god's' are actually not super human or "rock stars from Mars," they are in fact, un-airbrushed human's that lose the plot every once in awhile as we all do.

I will admit that the road that Charlie Sheen has decided to venture on is a sad and lonely one and I pity him but to watch him and to be kept in the loop as to what his next antic is, is entertaining, be it his take on being bi-polar, or shall I say 'bi-winning', or waving his machete with his bottle of 'Tiger Blood' - it's my daily drug {excuse the pun} to follow his trail of bread crumbs.

PS: How much drugs has Charlie Sheen taken? Enough to kill Two & A Half Men! ha ha ha ha!

If you have not seen Charlie's interview being auto tuned then here is your daily dose of comic relief - Winning - Charlie Sheen.

Dear Warner Brothers Television: I know that Charlie is acting like a spoiled, drugged up monkey but please, please, PLEASE take him back for Two & A Half Men - either that or stop the show completely - having him replaced is going to do the show a huge injustice.

Thank you and you are welcome!

Anyway - off topic. I won a prize the other day {yay for me!}. I vaguely remember entering a competition for a Nivea hamper and lo and behold I was picked! It was a hamper filled with Nivea products as well as a book called Love Lies by Adele Parks - I have never heard of the author and as I had still not found a book to read I thought 'what the hell' - by the end of the first page I thought 'this is a girly book if ever there was one' its fresh and whimsical, a little brash at times but I can overlook that. I'm now 103 pages in and I am enjoying the quiet simplicity of it.

And while we are on that topic, when I got the post office card for the collection of my package I suddenly realised that getting a collection note completely freaks me out. I have no idea why or how, I just know that I have a fear for having to collect something sent to me if I am not aware of the delivery, so because there are so many phobia's in the world, I could not help but to Google my fear and put a Wikipedia stamp on it but could not find one so I am on a mission to name it myself. {suggestions welcome.}

I have to share my favourite phobia word with you - Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - the fear of long words ... ah! the irony!

A quick update: Our wedding ball is still on the roll {don't worry, I can't believe it either} no date has been arranged that yet though but soon - I am hoping for an April Autumn wedding, so hold thumbs.

xoxo

Wait! before I go - I was shown this video yesterday and I had SUCH a good laugh - the guy you are about to watch simply needs to watch his back! Wooden Spoon Trick.

xoxo