Back from Sabbatical

Hello dears...

Yet again I will start my opening paragraph with the infamous word.. "So much has happened since I last blogged..."

You know when you are gone for millions of years and you come back and you feel that nothing has changed? I have that feeling now. I know that a lot has happened but the question is .. is it worth blogging about?

Let us skip past all the formalities and get to what is happening here and now (and maybe filtering on one or two things that have happened that I would like to talk about.)

I have become completely obsessed, borderline manic, over a blog - Colour Giggles... what an absolutely amazingly creative lady! I catch myself spending hours and hours pining over the many idea's - then as I go along she leads me to other great blogs and sites - i need to share a few of my favourite with you:

Spearmint Baby | Kiss The Groom | All Sorts | Pinkle Toes

The creative brains behind these blogs/sites have inspired me - pity I spend most of my hours stuck at a desk - working for someone else ... one day when I am big and rich and famous I will be a stay-at-home mom that is able to do all these super cool ideas!

That reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend ... it goes something like this: (in a nutshell)

M: I believe that 99% of office jobs are a waste of life!!
T: My ass was hurting earlier and I realised that I sit on this chair, behind this computer in this office for 8 and a half hours
M: Yes but its capitalism's best-kept secret - capitalism tells us that its very important and noble and honest to sit in an office for 8 hours and make someone else richer

*serious ah-ha moment right there*

I do enjoy the 'art' of work - if that makes any sense, I like knowing that I am more than just a mother and wife - that I am able to be relied on for more than just drools, dirty nappies and full tummies. Being able to do the 'art' of working gives me the power of some independence and besides - working moms are no less awesome mom's than stay at home mom's - my little girl loves me no matter what. But one day I hope to be able to be there when she comes home from school and doing girly things.

It's a Love-Hate thing...

Recently I have been dwelling on who I am as a person, from the way I sleep to what perfume I wear and why - strange it may be but I have convinced myself that being under my own microscope is good for soul.

I live an ordinary life. I've almost accepted that. Almost.

Let me clarify, when I say ordinary, I mean normal, average, run of the mill, commonplace. Mundane. Clear?

I know, I know, I should be grateful. Ordinary has it's up-side. I could be some human mutant with skin stretchy enough to be able to wrap my lower lip over the top of my head, or and über-fertile woman prone to giving birth to sextuplets and now be a proud mother of thirty-six indistinguishable, media-loving brats or someone who really does train-spot. Then my life would be considerably worse than the one I am leading now, but even knowing this is not much comfort as it should be.

I might have an ordinary life but it's not a terribly boring one as my daughter fills those awful silent moments I used to dread, with so much laughter and joy and silly antics - she is the love of my life and I have a partner who is completely and utterly mad about me, that still, after all this time thinks I am sexy, which at sometimes is possibly the most annoying thing ever as I obviously don't see the same person he does, but even when I growl at him or brush it off when he tells me I'm sexy, deep down inside it's an ego rush that I couldn't compare to anything else.

I have great friends, I have lost a lot of friends since moving to Cape Town, and before I was completely cut up about it but now I am so relieved because, sadly, I regarded them as my friends but they just knew me or saw me as an 'acquaintance' and at least I now know that I no longer have to waste my time on them.

I'm getting side-tracked...

I want to have a quick run down on what makes my day and what makes me want to tear my hair out strand by strand from the root.

I hate littering - I love it when I see someone pick something up (that wasn't theirs) and throw it away
I hate people that push in queues - I love seeing a young person give way to an older person, or a man giving up his seat for a woman.
I hate unmade beds - I love it when its made with fresh linen
I hate 'one-sip-left' milk left in the fridge - I love it when my fridge is full
I hate winter - I love spring
I hate being cold - I love cuddling next to Justin's warm body
I hate people that want you to listen to their problems but don't give you the time of day when you need a shoulder to cry on - I love knowing I have people that I can phone at 3 in the morning if I need to
I hate onions - I love the smell of frying onions

The list goes on, but I want to keep you as a reader so I won't bore you with the rest.

Just one more thing ...

I absolutely love flowers - they heal, they are important. They are so much more than a cheerful, colourful present. Flowers are there when you are born and all the way through until we die. They offer comfort and assurance; plus they articulate stuff most people can't manage. People need flowers to say sorry and thank you, and cheer up, and I love you, and all the other difficult we inadequate humans can't bring ourselves to say - just like music.

Music is the other love in my life.

xoxo

*extracts from Love Lies by Adele Parks

Dorothy in the land of Oz!

I find myself constantly recalling what I like to call my 'past' life where it was all about 'drugs and rock 'n roll' I know that more people than I can count on my one hand have been down the beaten path so it should not be a scandal that I too found myself flying down this road on a magical, drugged up carpet both surrounded by people and on more than one occasion alone which is probably the saddest part of the story. There were times when I loved that life, I loved not being in control of my mind for a few hours, I loved feeling the music pulse through every single fiber of my being, I loved feeling colours wrap around my hand, I loved seeing trees morph into weird and wonderful creatures ... I was Dorothy in the land of Oz!

Everyone assumes drugs are all about escapism but they weren't in my case. I am and always have been loved by the people around me (even when I was a stroppy 16 year old teenager), so what would I need to escape from? They were there to make my life more vivid, at least for a while. They accelerated and accentuated my feelings of ecstatic giddiness, until they stopped doing that - they stopped being something I just enjoyed, they became something I had to have.

In many ways I wish I hadn't ever found drugs, of course I do, I'm not insane. I prefer waking up in the morning with a clear memory of the night before. I prefer waking up in the morning and finding that if I do have a clear memory of what happened, that I'm not paralysed with shame and regret. I simply prefer waking up in the morning. One of the turning points for me was realising that taking drugs seriously reduced the chances of any of these three things happening. The other was my overnight stay in a government facility - don't think I need to elaborate on that.

I have been clean for 3 1/2 years today! Yay for me!

I certainly don't miss that life, I can still close my eyes and allow the music to pulse through my body all by itself and honestly, that is better than anything a drug could have given me. I am not ashamed of that life though, I never stole family heirlooms, ransacked a friends house or wandered the streets of Hillbrow looking for my next hit - it was 'clean' - I know the word clean is a hypercritical one but it was, we had, it was finished and the night was done until the next weekend.That was it. I learnt lessons. I hit rock bottom. I flew high. I found friends. I lost friends. I lost myself. I found myself.

xoxo

*extracts from Love Lies by Adele Parks

Guilty Pleasures...

Geez! So much has happened and sadly so many brilliant thoughts have come and gone from my mind.

I have noticed that the best time my mind wonders off and comes up with sheer brilliance is between the precious few moments of wake and sleep and when I finally drift off with a smug smile, I awaken forgetting everything, although I always remember that I did think of something - it's like waking up from a dream, knowing you had an amazing dream but not remembering the script - strange!





I do remember a brief thought of this whole drama with dear ol' Charlie Sheen and it made me realise that I have a guilty pleasure of following the mishaps of celebrities, lets make one thing clear before I continue - I am not a googly-eyed, drooling and stuttering fan of the Hollywood glitz and glam who's only highlight in life is the next issue of the Heat Magazine but I can't help being sucked in every now and again when someone rich and famous goes off the rails.

Admit it, you kept up to date when Britney shaved her hair or when Paris was thrown in jail - it's slightly amusing and in a warped way, it gives us mere mortals a reality check, that these 'god's' are actually not super human or "rock stars from Mars," they are in fact, un-airbrushed human's that lose the plot every once in awhile as we all do.

I will admit that the road that Charlie Sheen has decided to venture on is a sad and lonely one and I pity him but to watch him and to be kept in the loop as to what his next antic is, is entertaining, be it his take on being bi-polar, or shall I say 'bi-winning', or waving his machete with his bottle of 'Tiger Blood' - it's my daily drug {excuse the pun} to follow his trail of bread crumbs.

PS: How much drugs has Charlie Sheen taken? Enough to kill Two & A Half Men! ha ha ha ha!

If you have not seen Charlie's interview being auto tuned then here is your daily dose of comic relief - Winning - Charlie Sheen.

Dear Warner Brothers Television: I know that Charlie is acting like a spoiled, drugged up monkey but please, please, PLEASE take him back for Two & A Half Men - either that or stop the show completely - having him replaced is going to do the show a huge injustice.

Thank you and you are welcome!

Anyway - off topic. I won a prize the other day {yay for me!}. I vaguely remember entering a competition for a Nivea hamper and lo and behold I was picked! It was a hamper filled with Nivea products as well as a book called Love Lies by Adele Parks - I have never heard of the author and as I had still not found a book to read I thought 'what the hell' - by the end of the first page I thought 'this is a girly book if ever there was one' its fresh and whimsical, a little brash at times but I can overlook that. I'm now 103 pages in and I am enjoying the quiet simplicity of it.

And while we are on that topic, when I got the post office card for the collection of my package I suddenly realised that getting a collection note completely freaks me out. I have no idea why or how, I just know that I have a fear for having to collect something sent to me if I am not aware of the delivery, so because there are so many phobia's in the world, I could not help but to Google my fear and put a Wikipedia stamp on it but could not find one so I am on a mission to name it myself. {suggestions welcome.}

I have to share my favourite phobia word with you - Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - the fear of long words ... ah! the irony!

A quick update: Our wedding ball is still on the roll {don't worry, I can't believe it either} no date has been arranged that yet though but soon - I am hoping for an April Autumn wedding, so hold thumbs.

xoxo

Wait! before I go - I was shown this video yesterday and I had SUCH a good laugh - the guy you are about to watch simply needs to watch his back! Wooden Spoon Trick.

xoxo

Dead Island!

Hi! My name is Tammy and I'm an addict...

Some might not know this, some might but I am {or at least, was) a game addict by night, although the past 16 months I have just about had enough time to put conditioner in my hair let alone play games but something was brought to my attention yesterday which sparked the 'addict' in me and I think it's time to get my gaming fingers in shape for the release of ... Dead Island!

The trailer is a shocking, emotional tease to what the gaming world will be presented with later this year!

It has stopped the world in it's tracks and has got everyone talking, tweeting, blogging and status updating - and of course there are plenty of mixed feelings about it - but for me, this is going to be epic. I will however, not play the game late at night or alone... :-)

It's a genius piece of gaming {if the trailer is anything to go by} and I hope it doesn't disappoint, I have one to many times put myself through a torturous 2 hours of a dead beat movie because of it's incredible 1 min trailer!

So here is holding thumbs that the game will be as mind captivating as the trailer!

Julian Montoya says it perfectly - http://ow.ly/3YMtW

*This is not for young kids or people afraid of the boogie monster*

Scrambled Eggs!

Seems like I am forever apologising for not keeping my blog updated - so sad - in fact SUPER sad as I am only really apologising to myself as I am my only follower ... hmmmm - that seems sadder me thinks - I am my own best friend, my worst enemy, my only critic and my only follower... oh woe is me! :-(

In case anyone is wondering what happened to my 365 day project - I have not let it sit on the back burner, in fact I have just made my life a little easier by creating a 365 | 2011 album on my Facebook profile and adding them all in there - lazy? nah! inventive? a little! uncomplicated? definitely!

So, I got my tattoo and I LUUURRRVE it - I will post a picture (a decent one) as soon as a certain 'someone' takes one of her superb pictures of it ... yes! yes! you know who you are ... <3

I have, once again, jumped on the Twitter bandwagon - let's see if we can be friends this time around!

I am going to start a viral campaign to get The Parlotones and or Jack Johnson to play at my wedding (will be SUPER of they both can) and I know some people will snicker and point fingers at me for being so silly and so far fetched but who knows - maybe, just maybe it will happen - I truly believe that it can, if I do it right and I have enough support behind me! {suggestions welcome!}

In the words of Obama - YES WE CAN!

So, there have been a few things that have happened and that are still in the process of happening over the last few days - to start with ... my new obsession with words, especially words that are spelled the same but have different meanings ... what the hell is up with that? Did the 'inventors' of the spoken word become bored and or lazy when making new words and just said 'heck! lets just make these two things (that are different) the same?

Justin has now decided that politics is now his favourite subject (that was my fault for telling how much tax money went to the Opening of Parliament) and now he has an opinion about everything to do with our government (or the lack thereof) ... honestly, its kind of sexy!

*This part had been edited for my safety*

I want to find a purpose in my life, at the moment I feel like I'm stuck in this bleak day to day nonsense - I want adventure and surprise - I want to be known, I want to make a difference - to put a stamp on my life and {in the words of Snow Patrol} *take a glorious bite of the whole world*

I am continuously surprised at the sheer ignorance and plain stupidity of some people - how they live in their own little fantasy of a world and are so full of shit - I wish I had the time and patience to strangle them into reality and at the same time bash their heads against the wall of the real world! I know way to many people like this. *Vent Session*

So ... Justin and I have finally started our 'getting married' ball on the roll - we went through to Allee Bleue Estate over the weekend as a possible wedding venue and we were sold after being there for less than 5 min! Let's just hope that those Lotto balls roll in our favour too, because this is what we have our heart set on but our wallets have run away cringing at the thought - Justin's credit card has gone into hiding! LOL!

Wow! This is possibly the most random post I've ever done {hence the title} - that's what happens when I cant stick to one topic for longer than a paragraph but have an urge to write a novel!

Peace!

xoxo

To Clone or Not to Clone?

There are many things I sit on the fence about such as the death penalty or a rally to get Christmas presents for prison inmates but one of the ones I still haven't quite picked a side about is Human Cloning.



Fine, stand there in your little white lab coat and your freakishly powered rubber gloves and clone bacteria and all that other biological stuff but do we really REALLY have to clone humans?

The meaning of Human Cloning supplied by Wikipedia:

Human cloning is the creation of a genetically identical copy of a human. It does not usually refer to monozygotic multiple births, human cell or tissue reproduction. The ethics of cloning is an extremely controversial issue. The term is generally used to refer to artificial human cloning; human clones in the form of identical twins are commonplace, with their cloning occurring during the natural process of reproduction.

'The ethics of cloning is an extremely controversial issue'... you don't say?!

I can already see the topic of cloning joining the list of 'What not to talk about on your first date' but I feel strongly about the fact that it needs to be discussed and not only left up to the man in the white lab coat. Its fast becoming a hard reality of our existence and is inevitable.

Instead of going on and on about this I have compiled a list of personal pro's and con's that I will update regularly.

Cons:

1. Gross on so many levels
2. No! I don't want another Lady Gaga in the world
3. Who the hell made you god? {whatever god it is you personally refer to}
4. I don't think we should mess with stuff like this ... regardless of how we are 'moving up in the world'
5. Why would you WANT to clone a human {other than for medical reasons}

more cons to follow...

Pro's

1. Gross on so many levels ... I have mixed feelings for gross things that's why it is on the pro list
2. There could be another Jared Leto in the world
3. Could help with fighting diseases and help with stem cell research
4. One of me could spend time with Phoenix or sleep while the other one goes to work

more pros to follow...

So there it is in a nutshell - To Clone or Not to Clone - that is the million dollar question.

Question: If you were stuck in an elevator with someone who would it be?
Answer: The guy who woke up one morning and said: 'hey, wouldn't it be cool if there were 2 of me?'

xoxo

Slacker ... with good reason!

I will no longer be a ...

Ive been slacking BIG time on my mini 365 day project ... and it's not ENTIRELY my fault - I couldn't sign in for like three days, next thing I know 2 weeks has passed! Shock! Horror! Get over it!

So I promise to pull up my socks and start sharing my first memory of everyday with you but first lets have a quick moment to reflect back on the last two weeks.



A friend of mine is down from Johannesburg for a holiday and has convinced me to get a tattoo with him and in all honesty, it didn't take much convincing - especially when he offered to pay - have I ever mentioned what great friends I have?

So I did a bit of hunting around for the best tattooist and best price in Cape Town and to my absolute horror I was met with the worst people skills in the history of people. Maybe I've been spoiled by watching LA Ink and Miami Ink - Those guys and girls ROCK by the way! But anyway, before I get side tracked ... I was not met with a smile and a 'how can I help you', instead I was met with a 'you are wasting my fucking time here lady' {not that those words were ever said out loud but they may as well have been.}

Saddened, I googled 'Top SA Tattoists' and I came upon a Facebook discussion board about tattoo places in and around Cape Town and was thrown off guard at the fact that some of the places I went to (and will never again return) were mentioned on the list so I took it upon myself to comment about my experience - I never mentioned any names though as I felt that was hitting below the belt but I did highlight the fact that its actually quite sad as the artists at these particular shops are phenomenal - its the people in the front and the snarls that turn their potential clients away ... The artist better put a muzzle on their staff if they want to keep business because I am a strong believer in word of mouth - it can make or break you.

I then received a private inbox message suggesting a place I had never been to, Steel Chameleon, and being a bit hesitant I sent her the tattoo I am getting and I was so pleased at her response and kindness - so glad there are people out there that overshadow the dumb asses in the world.

You will all be pleased to know that I will be getting the tattoo on Friday (28 January 2011), now the big question is WHERE to get it.

*This part had been edited for my safety*

Ive also being trying REALLY hard to start getting my millions and MILLIONS of photographs sorted out and ready for the photo albums that are standing empty ... When it comes to photographs I am very old school - I like the romance of a photo album.

So much to do so little time ... I  sometimes wish I could clone myself .. that's for my next entry!

Justin did his drivers license today and .... drum roll please .... HE PASSED! I am beyond proud of him - road trips here we come!

So, here is my promise to you that I will sign in more and keep updated with the In's and outs of my mind!

365 Memories of 2011 {part 2}

12 January 2010

OK! So other 6 days down - that's a total of 12 'First Photo' of 2011.

I was back at the office on the 10th January, so being in an office for 9 hours limits my photo time, but I knew that I couldn't let this project take the back burner along with other things I have let slid this year (yes, yes .. I know ... you are thinking 'already?' but hey - I'm only human) such as the 7 day detox that I managed to do 3 days of, with a little cheating here and there, so let's be fair and say it was 2 days.

Lets face it - I love food and could not, for my own sanity and for the sanity of the people around me, go without eating a full meal any longer, I was grumpy, tired and having serious withdrawal symptoms to that Malva pudding in the fridge.

So I did my 3 days (3 days sounds better that 2 days) with no weight loss ... surprise surprise - but never the less it has taught me that I don't HAVE to have that packet of Creamy Cheddar cheese chips at 07:00 in the morning and that my plate of food at dinner time is not going to run away.

But enough about my failed attempt at the detox - cleverly disguised as a diet - let's get back to the photos.

* 7 Jan '11 - I was trying so hard to take a picture of Phoenix in her pink swimming nappy but she is completely obsessed with my phone so every time I held it up, ready to take 'That Perfect Shot' she would come running over to me to try and take the phone away. This shot was taken by her and I had not closed the camera option before her she snapped this one of a kind picture. At least she got a portion of her swimming nappy in and she was so kind to add Mommy's foot jutting out of nowhere.


* 8 Jan '11 - BARNEY!! I have a love hate relationship with that damn purple dinosaur and his 'I love you' song that has a way of creeping into your head at 03:00 in the morning. But desperate times call for desperate measures and when I am dying to have 3 minutes to myself .. channel 101 is my best friend - Phoenix is not interested in the TV at all but when this creature comes on ... well, she stands there glued, bouncing and jiggling to all his sing-a-long songs!



* 9 Jan '11 - My darling darling child is possibly the funniest thing ever! She has just recently learnt to blow bubbles in water now so any body of water she finds, be it spray over from the sprinkler at less than 5mm in depth or in her bath, is perfect. And not only will she blow bubbles she will in fact drink the water - this one is of her laying down, which is a change because normally she goes into full African Giraffe mode to drink the water.


* 10 Jan '11 - I am always surprised at the taxi's of South Africa - firstly for their ever popular death defying driving skills as well as their sound systems. I was on my way to work when I happened to fall behind 'Molefe's Express' ... It wasn't funny to Justin but I just love how they glamorize their taxi's as if it were a 5 class tourism chartered taxi. Looking back I think I thought it was funny because I was food deprived!

* 11 Jan '11 - You cant really see this one ... (please refer to {part 1} for explanation) but it's a dragonfly that spent lunch with me, and secretly think he was making fun of my rocket infused salad with no dressing as day 2 of my detox was to have salad. I haven't see one of these for a million and one years and every time I do, I am always reminded of school holiday's around the pool, marvelling at the way they have ... um ... sex? Would you say that Dragonflies have sex or would you be all scientific and say 'reproduce?'

* 12 Jan '11 - This one is especially for my friends in the City of Gold - just a little salt to their wounds as they push their way through a traffic jam on the Gilloolys Intersection while being chased by the smog monster ... this is what I get to drive past every single day both to and from work ... I have caught myself taking it for granted once or twice, being to busy on my phone, reading a book or just catching up on a little sleep, but seriously - how awesome is that view?



OK! So we are 12 pictures down! 353 to go!

xoxo

Check out Part 1.

Wedding Bells?

On the 29th December 2010 I was officially engaged for 2 years and I have a feeling that I have many more years to put under my belt as the sound of 'Here Comes The Bride' is slowly fading and honestly that's no-ones fault but the hard truth of reality.


Gone are the days where the bride's parents pay for the wedding, so its up to the future bride and groom to break open that dusty piggy bank and to start counting every penny - if only there were pennies to count... sigh!

Every girl dreams of the big lavish white wedding, with a personal twist to make it a 'wedding that no one has ever had' but truth is that not always possible, unless you were either born with a silver spoon in your mouth or if you are a giving Suze Orman a run for her money {excuse the pun} by being the 'saving your money' queen or king - neither which of I am.


I have always tended to do things against the grain and I don't always intend to do it that way - it just seems to end up taking that turn -  and getting older and hopefully a little wiser, has not stopped that - this is how you are 'supposed' to do things:


1. Date
2. Get Engaged
3. Move in together
4. Get Married
5. Buy a House
6. Have a baby
7. Live Happily Ever After

This is how I have done it:

3. Move in together
1. Date
2. Get Engaged
6. Have a baby
7. Live Happily Ever After

OK, seems I've been a bit hard on myself; I got the "dating then get engaged" part right ... and I don't have a 4. 5.  yet as they have not happened and I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch but I have thrown in my number 7. because I am a hopeless romantic and I love the man I'm going to be with even if I throw my best pots and pans at him once in awhile.

I want a beautiful wedding and I want a place to call home - I don't want to rent a place for the rest of my life.

So here is my dilemma ... do we buy a house and put off the wedding for another 20 million years? Or do we get married and put off having our own home for the other 20 million years?

The romantic in me is saying ... "It doesn't really matter because you have found the person you want to be with forever and a day, so if you get married now or in your completely over exaggerated 20 million years, does it really make a difference? The only thing that really matters is that you and him are together!"

Then the part of me that continuously worries what other people think, says: "You dumb !@#$%, if only you knew what people are saying and thinking behind your back! Just get married! Make a decent woman of yourself! The house can wait!"

Maybe, just maybe I will get to have both?!

I certainly don't want to hobble down the isle dragging my 75 year old boobs behind me...

After all is said and done - I do have the person that I want to be with and if I have anything to say about it - 'He ain't going nowhere' so we will make do with what we are giving - no matter the order!

xoxo

Lives Lost

As amazing as Facebook is, it also has its downsides, such as keeping profiles of friends that have lost their lives - its great to be able to see pictures of them but it is so bittersweet ... so heart breaking!

I have lost way too many friends over the past 5 years - the hardest of all but be my bestest Kagiso - when I got the phone call my knees caved under me and I couldn't even speak - it was so unreal, so painful - I don't really like to remember what went through my body at that moment.

I knew Kagiso from the first day of standard 6 in 1998 and we were friends from the get go - we got up to much nonsense together, she was my support, my rock and my foundation - my best friend! When I think of her I think of late nights, autumn harvest, boyfriend trouble, decorex, rose garden .. I really could go on and on as we had so many years of memories, tears, laughs and a few scary moments thrown in for good measure! Kagiso was sick - she lost the fight on the 14th August 2008 and never told anyone that she was sick - why didn't she tell anyone - why didn't I phone her a week before her death when I thought of her? I haven't gotten over her death - I think about her and miss her every single day and I wish she was here to watch Phoenix grow up - I wish she could be here when I get married ... I was given the chance to speak at her funeral and after a long internal war with myself I decided that if I never did it I would regret it for the rest of my life - it was certainly the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life - having to walk past her coffin and say goodbye - I cant and wont say goodbye. Face to Face my dear friend!

I met Gareth the same year he took his own life and I was completely blown away at his kindness, his gentleness, his openness to the world and people around him - yet to think he hid away so much pain from his friends and family. Christmas 2005 I bought him a dream catcher as I would sit up with him so many nights talking about the bad dreams that haunt him - 6 days later he took his life - alone - as Gareth wanted to be. He left his girlfriend Brenda and his mom a personal letter as well as a message to all his friends. The one thing that haunts me is the fact that he took his life on New Years Eve so while everyone was out celebrating the end of a new year and start of another he was out that night, alone, ready to take his life 31 December 2005! I still have his dream catcher above my bed!

Niels - possibly the best intern we had at CapeTownMagazine.com - such a beautiful person - so welcoming, so happy - Neils went on a trip in October 2008 and was killed in a car accident - it was a huge blow to everyone - the office was not the same after that, he was someone that I couldn't wait to see everyday and now I wont see him again for a long time - he crept into our hearts the day he walked into the office, with his big smile, his quirky sense of humor and just being Neils.

Juan - my Kobus ... I am having a hard time writing about him, he was my silent hero, he would sit with quietly with me when I needed a friend and I will forever treasure that - he was down in Cape Town for a holiday and we had plans to meet when they came back from Gordon's Bay - he never came back - the ocean took his life and every time I go to the beach I think of him - a few months after his death my sister came to visit me and we went to where he lost his life - I broke down and I think the hardest for me was that I had no one who knew him with me to soften the blow. Juan lost his life to the ocean on the 27th of December 2009.

Shaun and Gavin - brothers - double blow - they both died in a car accident - was so tragic - losing two friends like that but I can put how I feel aside because his family is who really has my heart, being a mother I cant even imagine what their mom must have gone{and is still going}through, Shaun was the funniest person in his own right - never being able to walk from the kitchen to the lounge without spilling his drink - he had a soft spot for hot blondes! Gavin, I never very well, we were in the same circle of friends but he was certainly a character of note - the saying that 'when your friend hurts, you hurt' is so true because my friends lost a friend and it hurts. Gavin lost his life on the 13th October 2010 and Shaun lost his on the 14th October 2010.

Its so sad that when we lose someone close to us we stand together and make a promise to phone our friends when we think of them and to be good to them because we never know when we will lose them - but then life takes it usual role and takes over and we yet again forget our friends.

They say that writing or talking about death helps with the healing process - I don't think it does - not for me anyway - everyday is an emotional battle as the memories of my friends are in everything around me.

I hope that 'I will see you again' is true and not just something that is said to make people feel better.

xoxo



I love you all SO much in your own way - you all will have a permanent place in my heart and in my life and I think about you all every single day.

365 Memories of 2011 {part 1}

A friend of mine, who is also a great photographer, has joined in with possibly the best project yet!

To take a picture everyday for a year! www.365project.org/reddotphotos/365

I told her last night that I thought it was a stunning idea and she replied telling me to join in - I replied by saying that I was 5 days late and and that it was her idea and that I didn't want to steal her thunder ... her reply: "Pff doesn't matter. Jump in. Join me. Don't make excuses.'

Well, I didn't need more motivation that than so I have decided to share the first picture that I take everyday, regardless of the sense of it ... it will have a story behind it and anyway, there is no way I can compete with my friends photographs, so when my pictures suck {which they probably will cos I only have my dear 2pixel BlackBerry to take pictures with} then I always say 'well, that's the point, its the first picture of everyday!'

It's now the 6 January 2011 so now I am 6 days late so lets get started.

*1 Jan '11 - Strange I know, but the story behind this one is that my darling Justin and I made a pact on New Years Eve that we will try not to do the little things that annoy each other - the morning of the 1st January 2011 Justin so kindly washed the dishes for me before heading out for work ... sweet hey? BUT he left 2 spoons and the soap in the basin! ggggrrrr! so I took a picture of it and sent it to him with this message attached "I thought this was going to be a better year? lol!" he replied {as only Justin would} with: "It is - last year I would have left more soap." cheeky shit but how can you get angry with that?


*2 Jan '11 - As all parents will know, once your little one becomes mobile baby proofing your house is a necessity but seriously - what is the point when they figure out how to hack your fool proof system and decide that unpacking your cupboards is the best fun ever!?







*3 Jan '11 - As Phoenix's creche was closed over the December holidays, I was allowed to work from home - what possessed me to think I could do it with a VERY active 1 year old? She insisted that she sit on my lap and that the keyboard was her new favourite toy - sending coded messages to my skype contacts, clicking my mouse so much that my bottom toolbar became vertical on my screen {let it be known that even I don't know how to do that}, making my computer go on standby mode and just being a real tech savvy monkey.




*4 Jan '11 - Possibly the first scorcher of a day in Cape Town for 2011 {reaching 38 degrees} - this picture was taken at 07:00 in the morning and the fact that she is just in her nappy says it all ... but her deciding that a rock is better tasting than her breakfast is beyond me .. she loves to scrap her teeth against the rock {even thinking about that sound gives me goosebumps}




*5 Jan '11 - Mid-morning nap ... I get so jealous when I see her sleeping so soundly ... sometimes I am so tempted to climb in the cot with her and sleep, sleep and sleep!







*6 Jan '11 - Phoenix's is 14 months old today and this picture was not taken by me but by Justin so I cant take the credit but in all fairness it was the first picture my phone has from the 6th January. Our cats thought that Phoenix's blow up pool was a scratching post and so we wanted to get her another pool... Justin went to Game and saw this pool and sent the picture to me to see if i like it  - we now have it and its great, not as great as the blow up one because I can't fit into this one but its not about me is it?

Well, there you have it ... my first 6 pictures of 2011 - only 359 to go! Phew!

Publish Post

xoxo

Check out Part 2.